My teens and twenties have been amazing. Like most of us, full of a lot of highs and potentially an equal amount of lows. Lots of changes and opportunities but one major thing that sticks out to me is that I have spent A LOT of my time on this earth worrying about people who really didn't matter, worrying what others think, trying to please people, over thinking everything and focusing on things that aren't important, It's taken me until age 29 to work out a few key life lessons. I'm not full of regret, because it's all part of learning and without going through these things how would you know any better? There are certain things I wish I could tell my younger self, but I'll share them with you instead.
THE DANGEROUS WORLD OF (UN)FOLLOWS AND LIKES
Someone unfollowed you on Instagram? And it actually hurts right, like why? What did I do wrong? People will ask you "How do you even know who unfollows you?" We're a little bit crazy ok and we just know these things.
I had an ex unfollow me and initially I felt hurt. Did they dislike me that much they had to unfollow me? Maybe. I told my best friend about it and she said "Maybe he finds it too hard seeing what you're up to and seeing you so happy." Maybe that's it too. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter. We give so much power to this stuff in the world of follows, unfollows and likes that we now live in.
One day Instagram might not exist anymore and then what? We're not self-proclaimed models anymore? Girls won't have anywhere to post their glamour photoshoots in activewear under waterfalls.
Don't get me wrong I love a good nature gram but the number of times I've muttered under my breath you're under an 'effing waterfall hon not on a catwalk, act natural! Or at least do a cute Boomie (Boomerang).
Be very careful in the way you let social media in particular Instagram influence your life. Follow accounts that make you feel good about yourself, not inadequate, 'Explore' can be a dangerous place to delve (I was stoked the day mine was filled with basic b indoor plant babies). Stop comparing your life to others especially on Instagram, no one's life is 100% amazing with Greek Island getaways and luxury boats all of the time.
Photo by Rob Hampson
DATING LESSONS
When it comes to dating we use so much energy thinking about if we're saying the right thing, making sure we're not messaging back too quickly (you don't want to seem too keen and don't you dare send that double txt). We get upset if someone doesn't message back, we check when they were last active. We analyse every message and screen shot and send them to our galpals for advice. "Omg help, what do I say?!"
You know what, it's either going to work out or it isn't. It's as simple and complicated as that at the same time.
You could say all the right things, do all the 'right' things and it still may not work out. They might not message you back, start seeing someone else or like other girls posts on Instagram. Things are either meant to be or they're just not.
So rather than trying to work out what you did wrong, or think it's because you're not good enough (because you totally are) keep it really simple for yourself and for the sake of your mental health.
One day you won't have to worry about sending a double txt, send 10 in a row if you like! Trust that it will all work out in time for your highest good. I went into more detail about this and listed my dating tips in my post 'Dating in 2018: Why is it so hard sometimes? FFS'
GET REALLY GOOD AT BEING SINGLE
Like really nail it! Get so good we would send you to the single Olympics (if they existed).
You know what I've finally worked out, I would rather be on my own and happy in myself than be in a miserable/ half-arsed relationship that isn't right for me just for the sake of it. I feel like sometimes people look down on single people like it makes them inferior "Um what's wrong with you why don't you have a boyfriend?" Honestly Susan we've been through this before you punishing b. Maybe we're at a point where we haven't met the right one so we're doing this thing could working on ourselves. Maybe you should look it up.
Rather than focus your energy on meeting someone, pour it into yourself. Make yourself super strong and happy. What do you like doing? What are you passionate about? And what do you want to achieve? Make a list and an action plan, make it happen! It's all about you right now.
You can't always control what happens to you (especially when it comes to dating and relationships) but you can choose how you react. After a break-up this year I started my blog (hola amigos), got stuck into some projects and manifesting, focused on things and people that make me really happy and booked a trip to Thailand, where I had the best time of my life. What did I learn? Good things can come out of sucky situations. Boss babe it out beauties, it will be a bit wobbly to start with but you'll be happier and stronger than you ever thought possible, promise!
Photo by Aaron Burden
THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR
Think about how lucky we are to be here. People have their time cut so short everyday. Time goes so quickly, the days, weeks and years fly by and before you know it ten years have passed. What are you grateful for right now? Each day focus on the things you're thankful for. Write them down, aim for three things each day. It can be anything, but by focusing on the good it'll change your perspective and make you realise just how lucky we really are.
Photo by Dawid Zawiła
MY TIPS
- Stop wasting time and energy on people who don't have your best interests at heart and don't matter
- Stop messaging and making yourself available to people who make you feel insecure or crap, especially if they don't message you back or make time to see you
- Build yourself up so strong that if someone doesn't message you back you don't think 'What's wrong with me?' but see it as a 'Ah well, not meant to be' and move on with your life. You're a cool gal, with a lot to offer. It's their loss hon
- Stop overthinking every situation and try to make sense of everything. Keep it simple and quit the analysing, you're not a crime investigator
- You're in charge of your life, of how you let people treat you and what you tolerate. Don't settle for absolute BS or anything less than you deserve because you know what, you're super special and are worth so much more than that
- Stop measuring your self worth by comparing yourself to others especially on Instagram, how many followers you have or likes your posts get. You are more than your feed
- Stop looking at your 'following' tab on Instagram at what other people are liking. It's such a waste of your precious time and energy. Use it to solve world peace instead or water your fiddle leaf fig, she could do with a drink
- Have a social media detox, change your social media habits, the amount of time you spend scrolling
- Turn your notifications off on your phone. I did it a few months ago and deleted Facebook too and it's so much better with less social media clutter constantly in your face and mind space
- Read books and meditate at bed time, this is YOUR special time not scrolling through Insta time
Think of all of the incredible things we can all achieve if we put all of this otherwise wasted energy into ourselves, the good people and things in our lives and how much more productive and happier we would be. That's what I choose to do now and I hope you will too.
LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE
Just a basic b living her best life in Thailand
Book the trips, go on the dates, do the things that excite you, travel to incredible places and meet the best people. Live your life to the fullest. Instead of worrying what will happen and think 'what if?' flip it around to a 'why not?' What have you got to lose? And what's the worst that could happen? Yeah sure things might not work out exactly how you'd planned, but at least you got to experience things, go to different countries, meet new people and you gave it a go. I tell myself that everything is going to be ok and that I will always be ok regardless of what happens. Know that you're protected. If you believe in a higher power, or the universe know that it's got your back and there are people watching over and out for you.
Quote by Morgan Harper-Nicols