WELCOME TO BREAK-UP SEASON
Statistically the most break-ups happen in the two weeks leading up to Christmas making it a completely crappy and not so silly season for many heartbroken cherubs.
If you are part of the December Break-Up Club or you’ve recently gone through a break-up we are going to get you through this!
You CAN and you WILL get through this.
While it’s truly soul crushing it doesn’t need to crush you because you are a boss! Break-ups can lead to epic breakthroughs
Here’s how you can get through a break-up like a boss babe.
BREAK-UPS A BREAK DOWN
There's no easy way of dodging these suckers. The only way out is through the shit swap that is more commonly known as a break-up.
When you go through a break-up you are grieving. It’s the feeling of major loss. You’re not only grieving the end of the relationship but also the what could’ve been, your future together and the idea of not doing life with that person.
It may feel like someones stomped on your heart and then your stomach in sturdy soled Doc Martens and you can’t breathe.
DEEP BREATHS. Even though all of the snotty ugly cries.
No one is immune to break-ups unless you never couple up with someone which goes against human nature however research has found women are affected greater by break-ups because we’re wired to invest more than men do in our relationships.
Biologically our brain thinks we’re going to have a baby when we couple up so when it’s all kaput you’re mourning a lot more than the relationship without realising it #SCIENCE
TRUST THE PROCESS
There is no one size fits all time frame of when you should be over your break-up. Be kind and patient with yourself.
It doesn’t help to hear this when you’re in the early stages (cos this is the freaking pits please somebody make it stop!)
As the days go by one day at a time it will get easier and you won’t feel so sad in your poor broken heart. Time really is the greatest healer and one day you will notice the shift and the break-up doom cloud has lifted. It’s the most brilliant feeling.
Try to keep it in perspective. If you’ve been through a break-up before you made it through that. It may have been ugly and messy but you did it! And you can do it again. Far out you are going to even stronger and unstoppable after this round just you wait.
Maybe you’ll go out and get drunk with your friends when it’s perhaps too soon and come home and cry yourself to sleep into your chicken nuggies at 2am. I mean I know I've been there. Or you’ll be somewhere you and your ex used to go or a song that reminds you of them starts playing and it brings it all back and it feels a bit too much. That’s ok too. These are all healing milestones that get you out of the break-up and closer to the breakthrough.
MY TIPS TO GET THROUGH A BREAK-UP LIKE A BOSS BABE
1. SELF-CARE IS YOUR #1 HON
Focus on looking after yourself really freaking well. Look after yourself like you would a cute child or a friend who is going through a rough time. What would you do for her? Do that for yourself.
2. NO CONTACT
No texting, calling or any form of social media messaging.
When I say no contact I mean absolutely NO CONTACT.
This is very important and will allow you to move on properly. You need the space. If you don't it will delay the process. Do you want to feel this crappy for longer than you need to?
No I didn’t think so. Rip the band aid off and give yourself the space you need to heal.
3. CONTROL ALT DELETE
Delete or hide your ex on social media.
We all do the checking who they’ve followed on Instagram, what new girls have followed them? Does he like their photos? How long ago was he online? STOP IT.
Stop looking at what they’re up to. It’s torture and will make you feel 100 x worse.
If you can’t stop yourself from looking then you have to delete them.
4. LET IT OUT
Cry, let it out. Don’t hold it in it’s ok to feel. Don’t be afraid of your feelings, it’s completely normal. With each cry you let go of a little more sadness (and snot) and a lot more happiness can come in. Stay hydrated and drinks lots of water.
5. CREATE A NICE SPACE
Make your room and home a really nice space for yourself fit for a chic princess, ok maybe one that’s budget only allows them to shop at KMART and IKEA. Get new bedding. Buy way too many cushions and give your space a good clean. Wave some hippie sticks around to clear the energy. Splash out and get yourself a boujee candle.
6. SPEND TIME WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY
All of us go through break-ups so we can support each other.
I've driven to my best friend's house (and had them come to me when it’s not safe for me to drive because too many tears) because I’d been crying all day and needed a hug and a pal. Sometimes it's nice to be with someone you trust and gets it and you. You are not alone. There are so many people who care about you and love you so much.
Reach out to them and let them take care of you
7. GET OUTSIDE GENTLY MOVE YOUR BODY
Take yourself for little walks. On the beach or through the park. Fresh air will lift your spirit and nature has super healing powers so go give a tree a good hug. Sit with your pretty sad face in the sunshine. Do some yoga. Be kind to your precious body and mind.
8. LISTEN TO MUSIC
Music is proven to lift your energy vibrations. No sad music or songs that remind you of your ex. I find gangster rap helps me. 2Pac, Biggie, Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg have really got me through some shit. Pop bangers do the trick too. IT’S BRITNEY BITCH!
9. FOCUS ON YOU
This is a super cool opportunity for you to transform and grow. To work out what you do and don’t want.
It's all about YOU right now, not some silly sausage ex.
Enjoy being single. Do things that are good for your soul.
Don’t fall into the trap of looking for someone new. Take the time for yourself to heal and when the time is right the right person will find YOU.
Have fun sure but don’t rush into anything and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.
10. STAY BUSY
Book in catch ups with friends, get stuck into a stack of books and TV series, listen to podcasts, get new hobby, sign up for a class, book a holiday.
Having something to look forward to is key.
TRY TO BE THANKFUL AS TWISTED AS THAT SOUNDS RIGHT NOW
I know it may sound completely absurd and it may take a while to feel this way but be thankful for this.
This break-up has allowed you to let go of something that no longer serves your best interests. It wasn't working anymore and wasn't meant to be. You're better off being single than in an unhappy, crappy not meant to be relationship.
IT'S TOTALLY OK TO GET HELP
If you feel really really unbearably sad and it doesn't seem to be getting better over time it’s a GREAT idea to talk to someone about it.
There's is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. It's just like when you get a new job you might need to do a course to up skill, you see a counsellor to learn new skills and ways of coping in tricky situations and dealing with painful emotions.
Talking to someone can help you gain perspective of the situation and what has happened rather than getting overwhelmed by emotions and spinning in your head.
Once you're able to see the break-up for what it is you will feel a lot lighter.
I used to blame myself in break-up situations due to an underlying belief that I wasn't good enough. Once I worked on that I learnt that this is 100% not true, We are good people, we gave it our best and tried to make it work and that’s all you can do.
YOU HAVE GOT THIS GF! REPEAT AFTER ME: ““I HAVE GOT THIS’’
You have 100% got this girlfriend! As each day passes, it will get easier and you will feel better. A little more happiness will creep in and you know what? You're going to feel happier than you ever have before. You might not be able to believe that just yet but trust me, sunshine is coming. No rain no beautiful blooming flowers and you are the prettiest flower of the bunch! Oh how you will bloom in ways you never dreamed possible.
You've made it through the first day, week, month, well done you! You're doing so great.
So much magic and good can come from the snotty cry baby “Am I ever going to feel good again?” stage.
You are so much stronger than you realise that is your superpower use it.
WHERE TO GET HELP
The chocolate aisle at your local supermarket. While you’re there stock up on tissues
See your GP
Healthline: healthline.govt.nz 0800 611 116
Lifeline: lifeline.org.nz 0800 LIFELINE
AUDIO VERSION
Listen on The Self-Love Club Podcast here